The Dark Side

"Think before you speak, before you act, before anything you do"

Hello there, i'm Christine.

Everyone has their own battles, let me tell you mine.

I'm OCD, about thinking. I think WAY. WAY....too much.

I'm obsessed with it. I can't stop, it's a bles--- it's a curse.

I have to admit, it makes me a lot smart than other people my age, they don't think enough.

But, nitpicking at everything, going over something over...and over and over....

NEEDING PERFECTION.

I know for a fact, i'm a wonderful person.

I know this because there are people that support me, love me

and want to keep me in their lives. That must mean I did something right.

These are the thoughts that fight to keep my afloat

But I allow myself too much power

and I find myself looking up to a light

that fades ever so quickly as I sink deeper into myself

It is so unproductive.

Thinking and harming myself like this just makes me even more useless.

I can't even carry out daily tasks without my mind drifting into this pit

then my focus is broken, which can only lead to less success, and more failures

It's a cycle I cannot seem to break

When i'm alone I have all the time in the world to think.

And unfortunately for me, the subject is always me.

More specifically, it's my faults. Because I feel that I have so many

so many faults, that it would never matter how many good qualities I had

because I'm still dissapointed with myself.

And what's worse, I KNOW I need to stop,

but I feel no strength to motivate me to.

And it's a never ending cycle, of tears, blame, and disgust.